This
is an old post (not a very old one) which I want to pass as an entry for this contest. I had named this post “Speechlessness” and reproduce it here with a
few edits.
The
contest requires one funny incident from the just-married phase, while my post
is a series of conversations, if not events. My rationale behind that is, (i)
inspite of being married for almost six solid years, I can still pass “married”
with a “Just” prefix and (ii) funny conversations with the other half are events
enough in my life. (Do I sound desperate for an autographed book! Yes. Who cares?)
Here
we go!
The
characters in the conversations are married to each other (No prizes for
guessing). P, the better-half (and obviously, the woman) and J, the other half
(the man).
P:
Do I look slim in this dress?
J:
Can I be honest?
P:
No.
J:
You look like an hour-glass.
P:
Ok. Honesty is the best policy.
J:
Plump.
P:
******************************************
P
returns from some work.
P:
Wassup?
J:
Now that you are here, you know what is up. (winks)
P:
******************************************
P:
Hey you remember that first time we met?
J:
Of course. How can I forget that? (sarcasm
to be ignored)
P:
Tell me what was I wearing?
J:
Nailpolish.
P:
What was I WEARING?
J:
Earrings.
P:
I am not Kate Winslet.
J:
Oh that reminds me. I had better things to check about you. Sorry didn’t notice
what you were wearing.
P:
**********************************************
P
(singing loudly): “subhah hone na de
..shaam hone na de…ek dusre ko hum sone na de”…what do you think of the
song? I love it.
J:
It reminds me of our suhag-raat.
P:
P:
J:
Lights off. Sounds off. Camera off. Action! (evil
grin follows)
P:
*****************************************************
P
(after watching Kahaani): I wish I
was Vidya Balan.
J:
You don’t need to. I find you better.
P:
P:
P:
You sure? Or you drunk?
J:
Sure. I mean she is way more beautiful and all. But it’s like, Beer works
better for me on a June-afternoon, than a Blue Label. Like that.
P:
Whatever that means.
J:
It means facts. Don’t mistake it as a compliment.
P:
P:
*****************************************************
P
trying a dark eye make-up, a.k.a smoky look.
P:
How do I look?
J:
You look like Johny Depp.
P:
Whaaaat??
J:
Johny Depp. In “Pirates of the Caribbean”. (concentrates on the newspaper).
P:
********************************************************
P
seen here, wearing a dress which has all the colours of a rainbow and teased by
random horny men on the street.
Men:
Holi kaab hein? Kaab hein holi?
(followed by wicked smirks)
P:
J, they are eve-teasing and Eve is your wife. Stop them.
J
(matter-of-factly): Tell them na, Holi is in March if they are asking you so
many times. (and looks away)
P:
***********************************************
P:
It’s so late. I don’t think we’ll get a Taxi.
J:
Wait. I’ll hide somewhere. You stand alone on the street. Remember “akeli ladki khuli hui tijori ki tarah hote
hein”. Taxis are bound to stop. Then I’ll jump in.
P:
This is how you use your wife???
J: Yes. Now do what I tell you.
P:
P:
***************************************************
P
complaining.
P:
Someone told me my nose resembles that of a PUG!.
J:
Pug? Vodafone kutta, you mean?
P:
Don’t make it worse. Just Pug.
J: Who said? Tell him or her, I like
honesty.
P:
P:
J:
By the way, that’s your cutest feature. And the comparison makes it cuter.
P: :)
************************************************
Similar conversation.
P:
Your Mama (uncle) says my eyes are like a cow’s. Meanness is hereditary.
J:
But it’s a compliment. Cows have beautiful eyes.
P:
Never thought about it. Oh yes.
J:
Told you. Better, do something about your double-chin before people start
comparing it with that of a cow. (Gabbar
Singh laugh follows).
P:
P:
**************************************************
P:
Am I your Personal Secretary? Have you kept me ONLY to do all your work?
J:
Yes. What else?
P:
J:
You can also sleep with me. Like Personal Secretaries. (winks away to glory)
P:
********************************************
They
flip through their wedding album.
J:
With so many of your relatives surrounding me, reminds me of something.
P:
What?
J:
Gulliver’s Travels.
P:
******************************************
In the midst of a serious
discussion. P fuming.
J: You remember what was Oliver
Twist’s best friend’s name?
P: How is that relevant? Anyways,
whaat??
J: Master Bates.
P:
*********************************************
P:
If you ever had to have an extramarital affair, whom would you want it with?
J: Ladies first.
P:
Irfaan Khan, may be?
J:
Wah wah.
P:
You?
J:
You.
P: :)
**********************************
