Bong-ness...

As if enough has not been written already?

Nonetheless, this is an endless list. If we could brace ourselves and compile them in their entirety, we could put Rajnikant and the Sardars to shame.  However, this post is not about Bong-jokes. It’s about the words and phrases Bongs use here there everywhere, everyday. I think, there are things beyond “thanda lege jabe” or “chule keokarpin laga” which a Bong can be identified with. Our colloquial expressions have changed with time with a few expressions like “Boroline lagie ne”, “ki gorom poreche” and “Puri ghure ashi” finding their places in the Hall of Fame. But there is much beyond and here are some of my favourites:

1.   “Chap nish na”: (Take a chill pill): In the Bong dictionary of ‘most used terms’, this phrase ranks No. 1. With a Bong’s reputation of not finishing things on time, these words of assurance work like P.C. Sircar’s magic. There was a time when it was used only among ‘wong’ men, but its rising significance has bagged it a place in the Bong vocabulary of all ages, irrespective of sexes.  When followed by words like ‘Boss’ and ‘Guru’, this phrase reaches a different level altogether.

2.   “Lyath khachhi”: (I am lazing) : I asked a friend last Sunday, “Ki kheli dupure e?” (‘What did you have for lunch’). And her answer was “mutton and lyath”. A distorted version of “lethargy”, this term is perceived by Bongs with great reverence and admiration. It is a way of life and has risen to such standards that it is compared to food! After t-shirts reading “I love NY” or “I love Pranab Mukherjee”, it would be great to have some with “I love Lyath” scripted on them.

3.   “Ekta Jokes sunbi?” (Wanna hear one jokes?): The word “jokes” like ‘trousers’ is only used in plural when used by a Bong.

4.    “Ekta cold-drinks de to”: (Give me one cold-drinks): The other word apart from “jokes” which is used in plurals in all its manifestations.

5.   “Chol, maal khai!”: (Lets drink): The phrase itself makes you high, have you noticed? It is one solution for every occasion.

“Promotion hoeche/ maine bereche”.. (I have been promoted)

Reply: “chol maal khai”.

“O hya bole dieche” (She has said yes)…

Reply: “chol maal khai”.

“bou baaper bari geche”.. (My Mrs. has gone to her parents’ place)

Reply: “chol maal khai”.

“bou divorce debe boleche”… (My Mrs. has threatened divorce)

Reply: “chol maal khai”.

“bou divorce diechhe”.. (My Mrs. has become Miss)

Reply: “chol maal khai”.

6.   “Khawa!” (Give a treat): Just replace the replies in the paragraph above. Period.

7.   “Refuse korlen je? Number ta tookey police ke debo?”:  A Taxi in Kolkata is known for its high rate of refusal. If you stay in the outskirts of the city, like Behala, Budge Budge or Belghoria, taxi-drivers would make it look “Ki? Mars e thaken?” (You stay in Mars?). They know of three places (and ONLY three places): Airport, Howrah Station and Sector V. That’s it.

     In order to counter such misdemeanor, Bongs threaten that their registration numbers would be taken down and reported to the police. You get to hear this one phrase atleast 350 times a day out of which none gets lodged ultimately. ;) 

8.   “Bie-barir presentation kena hoeche?” (Have you bought gifts for the wedding?): If you are not recycling some tea-set, bed cover or an old Shawl, you have to buy a gift. And yes, you read that right. Gifts and presents are conveniently called‘presentation’! What kind?? Slide-shows? Powerpoint? Excel? LOL.

9.    Bibhotsho/ Jata/ Byapok: Words of ecstasy. Words of immense acclamation.  Bibhotsho literally means gruesome and jata means awful. However, Bongs have chosen using same words for diametrically opposite connotations.

Examples: “Ki bibhotsho gorom poreche!” (awful heat) as well as “Ki bibhotsho cinema banieche Srijit!” (awesome movie).

“Question paper ta ki jata set koreche mairi“ (awful question paper) as well as “jata namie dili to onsite project ta!!” (awesome job done).

‘Byapok’ does not have such nuances but its use is extensive. “Byapok mutton”, “byapok meye”, “byapok jayga” are some of the many.

10.  "Marketing korte jachhi": (We are going shopping): When uttered these three words, my husband’s instant reaction is “Marketing is something we do 13 hours a day in the office. For the sake of Gandhiji’s blessings. What you are doing is SHOPPING. And NOT Marketing (making it sound heinous). Please amend”. But we Bongs never make changes. Gariahat and New Market are all about marketing, right? (‘Poojor marketing’, ‘Bier marketing’ to name a few)?

11.  "Miss call dish" (Give a missed call): It is not a typo. We actually say MISS-call. Of the funny things we do with a mobile phone, (like treating it like a walky-talky, bringing it onto the mouth while talking), giving miss-calls is one of the many. We have a miss-call solution for everything. A signal for “I have reached”, an affirmation for ‘the movie tomorrow’, an indicator from the driver that he has reached your office parking, miss-calls are boundlessly useful.

12.  "Phone e balance nei" (There’s no talk-time in my phone): Inspite of surviving on missed calls, a Bong always runs out of balance. Always.

13.  "Ilish koto jachhe?" (How much is the price of Hilsa?) ‘Ilish koto jachhe’ is phenomenal. Just like “Sensex koto jache?” It’s true that a Bong is more concerned with the price index of Hilsa rather than of gold and stocks. Bongs make a comparative analysis of prices of fish (mainly this one) from various local markets and buy the best. A Bengali man’s claim to fame is through his efficiency in choosing the right fish and is considered at par with singing Rabindrasangeet by a Bengali woman. A Bong can even drive his way to Kolaghat from Kakurgachi for that one silver vertebrate. To add, you are not considered a Bong enough, if you buy fish from Spencer’s, Food Bazar or other retail outlets. It has to be from the local market after a detailed sensory perusal.

14.  "Anondobajar ki bolche?" (What are the views of Anandabazar?) Their ‘porte hoy, noile pichhie porte hoy’ campaign has affected the Bongs like no other. Reading Anandabajar is reading Gita/Quran/Bible. For the fear of ‘jodi pichhie jai r daak sune keu na ashe’ we often substitute our views with theirs. The invariable sign of a Bong-antel, Anondobajar is.

      My cousin who stays in Gurgaon, while asking about the reviews of a recent Bengali film, asked the same....”Anondobajar ki bolche?”. Sarcasm apart, such biblical is its status. Considered to be the most unbiased (barring Sourav Ganguly), this newspaper has a view about everything, above everyone else in the business. Dada, Didi, Pranab Babu, Prosenjit, Pinky Pramanik, Prince Charles, Leander Paes, Sunny Leone, fatherhood of Aishwarya’s baby…name one and you get all. (Achha, you can bunk the fatherhood part, ok?)

15.  Baal (some words are not meant for translations and for moms to read): I had read one SMS which had a detailed analysis on this widely used Bong term and its paisa-woosoolness. This term can be used as a noun, pronoun, verb, adverb, adjective, signs of frustration, happiness, despair, joy and the like. The commonest of them being:

·    Common Noun: ‘Tui ekta mosto boro baal’ (You are a good for nothing of   the highest order)

·    Proper noun: ‘Ki politics korte parish mairi. Tor naam ki Baal Thakre?’  (You are so good at politics. Is your name Baal Thakre?)

·    Adjective: ‘Baaler chakri sala’ (This job sucks!!)

·    Adverb: ‘Baal khello team ta. Go haran harlam.’ (Poorly played. We lost the game).

·    Frustration: ‘Dhhur Baal!’ (Sh*@!/ F*#@)

And the list grows happily ever after…

So, here were some randomly chosen, dearly loved and often heard Bong expressions/ mannerisms. “Case kheyeche”, “Pujoy south ta korbo”, “Suppose, dhor..”, “Dettol lagie de” (while putting Savlon), “Phatiye diecho ostad”, “Jhaari marishna”, “Apnar gari mileage koto dichhe?”, “Didi koddin tikbe?” are some more.

With Flipkart’s wide publicity during the IPL and when praised ceaselessly of its pocket-friendliness, my father’s observation: “eta ki College Street er cheyeo sosta?” (Is it cheaper than College Street?) This is one Bong statement. A Bong cannot imagine books cheaper anywhere else other than College Street. Bongs make lists of their favourite books from the Bookfair and then take the same lists to their favourite book seller in College Street and Bingo!! 

I heard something like this yesterday. “Uff ki figure!!..... Ami eager!!” (of course, not indicated at me).

No one beats a Bong in his wise-cracks. No one.