Winter is
approaching in Kolkata.
When I
find my lips chapped, I roll my lower lip into my mouth and peel off the dry
skin
with my
teeth. During winters, this is one of my favourite activities.
The man
enters and stares at me. I returned the favour, still engaged in the
favourite
activity.
“Are you
trying to seduce me?”
Me: By
doing what???
“By doing
the Vidya Balan thing she did in the Dirty Picture!”
Me: You
are weird.
**********************************************************************
Yes, he is. Very weird. Like my
mother.
When I
was in school, I realised that my mother was strange. In my entire school life,
she
never
even once asked me to study. NEVER EVER. I found that strange. I felt, to be a
little demanding about your child’s academic results was acceptable and infact,
normal.
Similar
is this man. He is just WITHOUT ANY expectations and that irritates the hell
out of me. I wish he would break my favourite bone china dinner set when he
finds me talking to a man friend at 1 o’ clock at night, or hand over a
questionnaire demanding reasons for my coming back home late or at the most, be
terribly possessive and create a lot of drama at the home front. Arrey, if you
do not have material demands, atleast demand explanations! But I told you, he is
weird. Very weird. Like my mother.
“JD, I am
running out of ideas for your Anniversary present. Lend ideas. What do you
want?”
“You.”
“Stop
being nyaka and tell me things you DON’T have.”
“Beyond
the Crash by Gordon Brown, The Undercover Economist by Tim Harford and
socks,
preferably
black.”
“What a
paradigm shift in the answers!! Ok, you get the last 3 things you asked
for.
Anything
else?”
“Will you
learn to cook the mutton, Annapurna cooks? Just like her? Would be a great
gift.”
In so
many years, apart from one or two Rabindranath songs, this is the ONLY
difficult thing he has asked for. I forgot to get jealous of Annapurna (my
friend from school). I was too
overwhelmed
to think of anything else.
“Sure JD,
why not?”
***************************************************************
I think it was our 4th.
He presents me slabs of Dark (very dark) chocolates.
“WHY dark
chocolates?”
He:
Because you love them.
“Why DARK
chocolates?”
He:
Because we love them.
“WHY DARK
CHOCOLATES?”
He:
Because I love them.
“So,
you’ve started giving gifts which you like!!! Selfish giant, I don’t want
them.”
20
minutes later.
He: You
had gifted me a LONELY PLANET last anniversary, remember?
“Hmm.”
He: You
were also looking for the Calvin and Hobbes complete collection on Flipkart to
gift me.
“Hmm.”
He: Have
I ever asked you similar questions?
….
…..
……
********************************************************************************
Barring those innumerable
instances when I am generally very hassled by his existence, there are moments
when he is like this picture.
A brownish winter afternoon, a large cup of tea, a favourite book, a comfortable couch and a lovely picture on the wall. Bliss!
If feelings were human beings,
this feeling would be him.
****************************************************************************
About the ‘hassled by his
existence’ part:
The man
buys me a Saree for Pujo.
I wear it
and excitedly show it to him.
“JD, You
remember this one?”
A
confident YES follows.
“Tell me
what it is.”
JD: It is
a Saree!! (expecting ‘sahi jabab, aap jit gaye hein 15 laakh….’)
“! ? !”
JD: Yes,
it looks like a saree. No?
…..
……
laaaawng silence……
…….
………
“OK.
Ignore the last question. Tell me how am I looking?”
JD:
Bhishon hawt!
“Are you
serious?” (school girlish giggles)
JD: No.
……
…..
…….
School
girlish giggles fade in oblivion.
****************************************************************************
One night I had a dream.
I saw a
man sitting on a branch of a tree by the side of a river. His face was not
clear. But I
knew that
this was THE man. The man I love.
And I
found that, with an axe, I was cutting the branch where he sat.
The
branch fell down into the river and so did the man. I sat on the bank of the
river and
wept.
The God
of water appeared. I told him the whole story.
He dived
into the water and brought Johnny Depp.
“Is this
the man you love?”
I could
not remember the face, but I was sure this wasn’t him. I nodded in negative.
He dived
into the river again. This time he brought Amitabh Bachchan along with him.
I chose
to be honest, though the choice was tempting.
“I don’t
think he is the one. Noh”, I said.
Water God
dived for the third time and this time it was Uttam Kumar.
“This
must be the one”.
“I wish.
But no!”, I confessed.
Utterly
pleased with my honesty, the Water God went inside the river and brought
Joydeep Ghosh.
“I don’t
know why, but I am pretty sure he is the one.” I smiled.
While I
held hands with the lost-and-found treasure, God called me.
“I know,
you are thinking about the woodcutter’s story. And, also wondering why I
didn’t
give you
the other three men as a reward for your honesty…”
“Exactly”,
I said.
“You will
know why….”
God
disappeared.
I know
why….
The best
things in life come in a single piece.
*******************************************************************
In our last Delhi trip, I noticed
a thing about Ma.
Every
time, she saw an aeroplane in the sky, she would get ecstatic. She would
invariably
point her
fingers towards the sky and shout, “Dekh, dekh, Plane”.
I found
it quite juvenile in the beginning. Ma has been riding airplanes since she was
a
child.
Then, why such excitement just at the sight of it?
On a
second thought, I thanked her (mentally).
Thank you for explaining Ma, why I get butterflies’
somersaults inside my stomach every
time I see him in the parking lot after a rough day
at my office.
Thank you for explaining that some things cannot be
explained.
******************************************************
Me: “You
are my life’s worst mistake. *******, @#@#, *****^^^^^, @####@, ********,
@@@@@@@@, ********, *******, @#@#, *****^^^^^, @####@, ********, @@@@@@@@,
********, *******, @#@#, *****^^^^^, @####@, ********, @@@@@@@@, ********,
@@@@@#...
I am
going home.”
He: But this
is your home.
“*******,
@#@#, *****^^^^^, @####@, ********, @@@@@@@@, ********,*******, @#@#,
*****^^^^^, @####@, ********, @@@@@@@@, ********,*******, @#@#, *****^^^^^,
@####@, ********, @@@@@@@@, ********. I am going.”
He: This
is your home. Where will you go?
“In the
entire conversation using choicest of words, ‘I am going home’ was the
only thing you noticed??
He:
That’s the only thing you said that was NOT CORRECT.
THIS is
your home. Our home.
Me:
“Welcome Mr. Sooraj Barjatya.”
He: No I
am serious. This is your house as much as it is mine. If we have fights, you
may
drive me
out of the house. But never say this isn’t yours. Fight, but don’t disown. It
hurts
me more
than you saying I am your life’s worst mistake.
Invisible
violins play the ‘Hum saath saath hein’ tune and well, I laugh, cry and forget
that we were fighting a few moments back….
*********************************************************************
I preserve and flaunt compliments
like grandmom’s jewelry. Till date, the Kaahani compliment was the best I ever
got. “The Kolkata they showed in the movie was you.” Lump in the throat, goose
bumps.
And then,
came this one.
“The
greatest proof that you are intelligent is Joydeep. Your intelligence is proved
beyond doubt by this one choice you’ve made. Where you could score 100 out of
100, you managed a 120 by choosing him.”
I wish
compliments could be framed….. : (
************************************************************************
The way we met and got to know
each other is very filmy. (And terribly exciting)
When
asked, I babble about it incessantly, while JD keeps quite or says one or two
words. I often think it doesn’t excite him anymore…talking about how we met,
that is.
One
night, we were playing flashback.
I asked
him, “When we have children and you have to tell them ‘How I met your mother’,
what will you say?’”
It was
again a single word answer.
“Serendipity”.
:)
**************************************************************************
P.S: OK.
I completely made up that woodcutter’s story. That’s a gift I made for you for
our Anniversary. Happy 6th, JD!
