Tuesday, 25 December 2012

I realise...

·                           That, with our accounts with private banks, most of us do not have to stand in long queues for upgrading our passbooks, like our parents did.

·                           That I love those song sequences from 60s where mating flowers and kissing lovebirds denoted liplocks between the ‘hero’ and the ‘heroine’.

·                           “Maine tumse mohabbat ki hain, gulami nahi ki hain” is an eternal truth which I forgot to believe.

·                           No matter how hard I have tried, my e-mail and FB passwords, ATM and T-pins would perpetually consist a part of his name/ birthday/ our anniversaries (with different permutations and combinations, of course). Nothing romantic, just stupid.

·                           That certain e-mails or phone calls act as the first swirl of the fan after a long power cut on a 45 degree summer afternoon. Lifesaving, yes, that’s the word.

·                           That most people do not trust remote control car-keys. Even after locking the car and that pee-pee sound, they would invariably check at least 2 out of the 4 doors of their cars. Same level of trust for hotel rooms with card-keys.

·                           Men are dumber and nicer than women. Most of the times.

·                           That the taste of an ice cream is directly proportional to plunging mercury levels.

·                           Bad songs stay in my mind longer than good songs. Same for human beings.

·                           Looks deceive. (Mine, too).

·                           Ram was impotent. (And fortunately, there wasn’t any scope for DNA tests during those days).

·                           Digging one’s nose is mood lifting. So, is farting, burping etc.

·                           That, of all the things I miss, innocence tops the list. Playing Snakes on a Nokia phone is a close second.

·                           The bathroom commode is awfully cold during winters and the bums freeze when you sit upon it.

·                           I love the man a little more each time he doesn't force me to brush my teeth after eating chocolates at bedtime.

·                           Falling out of love is the most difficult thing that happened to mankind.

·                           That tears have a colour too. The colour of our skin. While flowing down, they rip off a part of your skin. Why do you think the skin burns so much when you cry? Here is the reason.

·                           Pigs get married to female pigs. Matching a 30 minutes-orgasm is not an easy task for everyone.

·                           Truths are difficult to digest. Antacids don’t work. You throw up ultimately. And, the puke stinks. If someone cleans it, be his slave. (Cleaning truth-pukes ain’t easy). However, if he leaves you all alone, to clean the shit yourself, refer to the “Two friends and a bear” story from your childhood.

·                           Mutual funs are subject to market risks. Please read the offer document carefully before investing.

·                           That the best part about chanachur, plum cakes and “taal-shaash shondesh” is the raisins. The first thing I do is digging out the raisins out of them.

·                           Of late, Facebook, instead of saying “what’s on your mind” all the time, asks “How are you feeling?”, “What’s happening, Parama?” or “How’s it going?” in the status message box. It sounds so much better.  (“What’s on your mind” is a difficult question. What if I don’t have one? What if I had one, but lost it in Kumbh mela?)

·                           Eating Biryani acts as the greatest anti-depressant, followed by chewing the end of a pencil.

·                           “Toke aalor alpin dite pari” in the ‘Jawl phoring’ song (Hemlock Society) would have been “toke aador, alpin dite pari”, had I written the words. Isn't love all about both? “Aador” and “Alpin”? : (

·                           “The God has retired” status messages (after Sachin’s VRS from one day) are very similar to what’s on my mind for a few days. I have AT LAST pulled my socks up and given God his long-due retirement. It was not easy, for the bond was too strong. But, then, like medicines, faith also has an expiry date.

·                           The biggest condition for loving someone is, it should be without any condition. If your love is: “I love Justin Beiber. You don’t? Good bye then. I can’t love you” or “I hate idlis. You have to hate them in order to win my love”…..then, it is anything but love.  And for that, I have found a solution. Dude, let’s hit the Space Bar. While you can get something to drink, I shall fetch for myself some S P A C E.

·                           For the umpteenth time that, “hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.” Ok, the sentence would have sounded equally great and true, had "love" replaced "hope".


  1. I realise...

    · You write well.
    · You are a keen observer.

  2. The comment on Ram made me laugh & laugh & laugh...also I wish that I am born as a Pig in my next birth ( before being served as Pork) I wish to experience 30 non-stop of bliss!! :-)

  3. you have lost all respect for me post your Ram comment.

    1. Ignoring the typo, I assume that you have wanted to mean: "You have lost all respect FROM me post your Ram comment".
      My humble reply, Sir: Ram is no God for me. Since childhood, I have perceived him as one of the characters from Chhotoder Ramayan, which my grandparents would read to me. Like any random character.....like Tintin, Snowy, Aranyadeb, Chacha Chaudhury... I am in no awe with him and shall speak whatever I feel about him.
      As a child, He was my constant source of entertainment every Sunday morning, courtesy: Ramanand Sagar. Strangely, I always found Ram a pansy soul, compared to Ravan, hanuman and Lakshman. (Your respect for me reached all time low now!!) But what made me hate him towards the end of the story, is his MCP behaviour towards Sita. B********. I mean, had he shown his wife some respect, it would set a good example on his part, husbands wont ban their wives if the wives come home raped. What respect are you talking about sir??? It's strange that people worship a loser like him. A person who cannot respect his wife for no fault of hers deserve heartfelt hatred.....atleast from my end. Sorry. But I am like that.

    2. Parama, if you do not believe in Lord Ram, how do you believe about his behavior towards his wife. It can be added as a figment of someone's imagination as a mischief or to denigrate Hindu Gods. I am appalled by your selective reasoning about what you believe and what you don't.

    3. You totally got me wrong, Abhijeet. I reiterate that Ram is no God for me. HE was just another character from my childhood tales. I believed Ramayan as a story....just like adventures of Tintin, for example. You believe them as STORIES, not as reality. Same for Ram. Whatever story I heard, I didn't quite grow fond of him. I questioned a lot of things he did and did not. So that's it. Its not about selective reasoning. Assuming the entire story to be true, I feel bestowing HIM with godliness is a bit too much. It would have been perfect if he was just a grey MAN with shortcomings, like you and I. Not God, please?
      On another note, I am not here to hurt anyone's religious feelings. If I have hurt yours, I am sorry. My heartfelt apologies.

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